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This stupid film was irritating me so much I actually took notes while I was watching it.

The ridiculous premise for this stupid film is that the Mayfair Mall is being reopened in New Orleans (as though that city hadn’t had enough troubles recently – they had to set this crappy film there too). To compound matters a fragment of mirror from the original store has been transported to the new site to grace the central atrium. The reason for this: the ‘beautiful craftsmanship’ of the mirror. Yes – that is one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard in a movie too. And wait until you see the amazing craftsmanship of this mirror – artistically displayed between two concrete breeze blocks and some plywood.

Nick Stahl plays Max Matheson (stupid name for a stupid film) a recently bereaved and recently dead person. Yes that’s right I said recently dead – as Max had a near death experience. If that wasn’t enough he is also suffering from severe guilt issues because his fiancée died in a tragic car accident – when Max was driving! How tragic. Well…not nearly tragic enough for the producers of this film. And not nearly ludicrous enough either. They decided to show us – via the medium of poignant flash back – how Max’s girlfriend died just moments after accepting his proposal and slipping the diamond engagement ring on her finger. The humanity!

Now, it just so happens that Max’s dad is the owner of the new mall. And in an act of mind-bogglingly low-grade nepotism, Mr Matheson Snr decides to give Max a job … as night watchman. That’s right, Max’s dad – the owner of the mall – decides to give his only son, his only bereaved and psychologically unstable son, the job of night watchman. Why? Well, because it’s time Max pulled his socks up and got over the whole tragic death of his fiancée nonsense, that’s why. And what better way to snap him out of it than by employing him to work alone, in a dark mall, in a place where the previous security guard – for reasons unknown – mutilated himself by chewing glass? Yes, clearly this is the perfect working environment for the mentally unhinged.

Max hasn’t been in the building for more than ten minutes before he starts seeing the Emo Queen of Death freaking out in mirrors and windows all over the mall.

The Emo Queen in action.

Nick had previously bumped into a seriously grumpy chick outside the mall who was putting up posters for her missing sister. Hmm…I wonder if the two could be connected.

Mirrors just keeps getting sillier. The dialogue is just awful. As is the characterisation. The vengeance dealt out by the Emo Queen on the mall’s employees is more humorous than horrifying. The death of the fat-hating buyer Jenna is particularly pathetic – as she is decapitated by a piece of glass falling from a shower door. The self-hamstringing and disembowelling of another employee provides another dud. And the aborted death by pizza-cutter wins the Daft-As-A-Brush award for stupid horror concepts.

When the central mystery of the film is revealed you are left wondering – did the writer’s of this film realise the characters portrayed were going to be adults? Professional adults? As opposed to a bunch of high-school children – because THAT is precisely how these characters behave. The end is neither disturbing nor imaginative – though it is gratefully received.

What more can I say? This film is crap. It is a cheaply made, nasty rip-off of a fairly good original film. I swear they have taken the script and concept from an aborted teen-slasher movie and shoe-horned the Mirrors 2 sequel over the top. I would be willing to bet money on it. What I wouldn’t be willing to do is sit through this crap ever again. It was hard to imagine how the original movie could have a sequel – much less a sequel which didn’t follow any of the same characters or even stay in the same location. Having seen it, it’s even harder to imagine how anyone could ever have thought this horrific mess of a movie was a good idea.

Avoid. You have been warned.

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