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Controversy. Don’t you just love it? I’ve never experienced controversy of this kind before. Should we, or should we not, be excited about 10 Cloverfield Lane? Is it, in fact, a sequel to 2008’s Cloverfield? Or is it a shitty $5 million  budget film that’s had Cloverfield references tacked on, like glitter on a turd. So – we can’t be excited, no?

Reddit says no. But who gives a fuck about Reddit? Go back to roasting hipsters.

J.J. Abrams dropped the 10 Cloverfield Lane trailer last week. And the internet collectively shit a brick. How did he make a whole fucking movie without anyone knowing about it? On closer inspection, fans are asking whether the sneaky little fuck has NOT actually made a Cloverfield movie at all.

It’s pretty common knowledge that this movie was made under the working titles of Valencia or The Cellar, as part of Paramount’s “microbudget” division Insurge Pictures. Insurge was shutdown back in 2015 with 10 Cloverfield Lane (which was also being produced by JJ Abrams production company Bad Robot)  being the only project picked up by Paramount. Insurge produced low-budget movies like Paranormal Activity.

It appears that the original concept for The Cellar did not make reference to the Cloverfield universe in any way. There are copies of the script floating around all over the internet,  I even have one. But for those with better things to do, here is the synopsis:

The majority of the movie takes place in an underground cellar, and revolves around a young woman who wakes up in the cellar after a severe car accident and fears she has been abducted. Her captor, a doomsday prepper, tells her he saved her life and that there has been a terrible chemical attack that has left the outside uninhabitable. She does not know what to believe and as tensions rise, she decides she must escape, regardless of the terrors that await outside.

It’s not much a conspiracy though, as Abrams and Paramount are pretty open about the fact that this wasn’t always a Cloverfield spawn. Although according to Paramount, the switch to the Cloverfield universe is not a sudden addition, but has been in the can for sometime (at least since September 2014 when Dan Casey did the latest rewrite). Abrams is on record as saying:

“The idea came up a long time ago during production. We wanted to make it a blood relative of Cloverfield. The idea was developed over time. We wanted to hold back the title for as long as possible.”

Reddit users aren’t providing any more information than you can find floating freely on the internet. The posters on imdb are doing their usual bullshit: namely, speculating wildly, bitching and trolling. Have you forgotten last time guys? The obsessive searching on the net for the viral marketing bullshit?

And let’s not forget: it’s a lion!!!

Is this a Cloverfield sequel? Yes. But it wasn’t always. And it’s going to be a very different animal to the original movie.

I predict this new Cloverfield project will do exactly what the last one did. Namely: present us with a movie that in no way lives up to the excitement the marketing creates. Let’s face it, the most exciting thing about the original Cloverfield was the trailer, and the viral marketing campaign. The movie was good – the visuals were amazing – but it was let down by shitty characters, shitty plot, shitty acting and a shitty run-time. It was a really stupid film with an awesome monster that was wasted. It looks like 10 Clover Lane is going to be very low on visuals and special effects. It’s a film about three people in a basement. Which could be great – but I seriously doubt that will satisfy the fan boys.

J.J Abrams may end up with a lot of pissed off fan boys on his hands if they really have shoe-horned the Cloverfield references into an unrelated movie. Then again, after Star Trek and Star Wars, I think Abrams is pretty comfortable with pissed off fan boys.

Ah well. Provided this doesn’t turn into The Divide I’ll be happy.

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